wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
