I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
