we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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