kristin has been a bad kristin
I smell stomach acid.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
