idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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