this beer tastes like vomit already
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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