Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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