How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
