that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
