if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
