I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
