New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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