How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
