the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
