I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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