Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
