long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
