I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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