i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
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We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
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Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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