Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My ATM looks so different sober.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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