Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i out mim tonsoeep
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