Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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