Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
