Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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