theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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