I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Pooping to opera.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
