I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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