My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
