if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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