haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
