I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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