I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
