your thong is hanging out like whoa
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
