On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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