Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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