does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
