I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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