My sheets look like a crime scene.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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