just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
