there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He did a backflip because drugs
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