No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
