Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
