I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
