I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
