This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
