she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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