I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
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The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)