I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
