I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...