he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
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It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
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So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I believe in your delicious
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.