I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
