i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
