i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
