Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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