I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
