Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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