I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
