we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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