apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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