dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Randomize
