dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
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