I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
