i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
