We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
