He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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