and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
