Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
