I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
