go do what you do best...puke behind churches
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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