halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
