I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
