I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
