I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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