I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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