Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
