I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
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Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
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She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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