Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
