just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
